When did you first get Facebook???? Do you remember? How old were you? What were you going through in life at the time? What propelled you to taking the first plunge into social media? I suppose my social media journey started back with Xenga pages and MySpace. My goodness, my teen years spent chatting with friends through aol messenger are hilarious in contrast to today’s use of texting. But boy did it feel like a grown up thing, to put something out there for the world to read. To design a page with all my favorite things and wrap my life into one tidy package presenting exactly how I wanted to be viewed by the world. Facebook came along my first year in college, back when it was actually designed for kids in college. It was, coincidentally, the method my future husband used to contact me and we met in person after chatting one afternoon through Facebook messenger.
Facebook has come a long way since those days in 2006 and not only Facebook in the picture but multiple other social media sites I’m not even a part of because well, I’m holding out and standing my ground as long as possible and not jumping on the Instagram or twitter wagon. (Are twitter days over? I don’t hear much of that one anymore) anyway..... I’ve been pondering something lately, and want to bring it up and spark a discussion. Food for thought....something to think on.
Are the photos we post online of our kids our property, or theirs? And when does the distinction change? At what age do they get a say in what we post? Have you thought about this as a family? Had this discussion with your own kids?
If I had Facebook when it was first starting in college, and now my generation is having kids and posting baby photos and toddler photos and elementary photos galore, then it brings to mind we are the first. We are the first generation of parents who have children who are growing up having their whole lives on Facebook, out in front of the world. We as parents are the first generation raising children who quite possibly have thousands of photos of themselves out on the web before turning 13. Or 16. Or 18. Or whatever age we’re going to call the magic number of when they themselves get their own Facebook.
My oldest daughter is turning 10 this year. That means within 5 years she will have her own Facebook account. She’ll have her own name and her own decision to make about what she posts and doesn’t post. Here’s the thing, if I had pictures of her in the bathtub with siblings, or drooling while eating a popsicle, or tripping down the stairs, or saying something silly....these would all be connected to her Facebook she gets as a 13 year old. When she applies for her first job, her boss could search her name and come across pictures from her childhood. Her birthday, month, day and year would all be accessible to whoever wishes to see because of elaborate birthday posts I’ve made over the years. Her friend (and rivals) in middle school will have full access to use, edit and distribute any of these child hood photos they wish to get their hands on.
The only place in the world to go to find a childhood photo of myself is my parents house. You would have to literally drive there in a car, find a photo album and search it through to come across a photo of the curly headed blonde 4year old I once was. The coworkers at my job, the administrators at my college, the teachers of my high school have no access to any of that. These days, a simple search by any one of these people can gain access to dozens of photos, daily activities, vacations, likes/dislikes. Strangers have the same access as great aunt Edith.
I get it. I mean, you’ve sat and watched as your friends posted their engagement photos, wedding
Pictures, gender reveal announcement and now newborn photos and you want your turn! Of course you do! Is there anything necessarily wrong with little Cindy’s baby photo being seen by his boss someday? No, not really. But does Cindy get to choose? Or do you?
My daughter already says things like “mom, don’t put that on Facebook.” And I don’t even post my kids’ faces on social media. She already is concerned about what’s out there of her. Which I’m actually really glad and think is healthy.
I wonder, if we just put some more intentional thought into what we posted of our children. I wonder if we were just more careful to think about the fact that each photo you post will be on the internet forever. Of course uncle Dan from across the country wants to keep up with your family....so text him pictures. Of course it’s fun to share photos of your kids on their best days, but the video of them throwing a tantrum will also be available when they’re 22 and dating, or 35 and own their business.
Here’s the thing, the whole purpose of parenting is to prepare our children to grow up to be adults who hopefully can function in society and not live in our basement forever, we want them to be successful and happy and contributing members of society. We have to remember that our use of social media needs to prepare them for adulthood too and if we use our accounts with the expectation our children will be adults someday, I wonder if what we post would change.
Listen, I get it. We’re just so darn proud of our beautiful little babies, our sassy three year olds and our wise and thoughtful big kids. So, so proud. We want to share that, we want validation as parents, we want the recognition for our kiddos. But, at what cost? I’ll just leave you with this, we are the first. The first generation who is deciding how this will play out. How does it look to have a child grow up with their entire lives broadcasted to the world? How does that impact their middle school years, teenage life or adult life? Will they grow up and ask you to delete pictures of themselves from the internet? Would you?
